Ame's list

I have a little list book... its from Brazil and it sais..."If travelling is your passion, then Brazil is your destination" I truly believe this little notebook will guide my steps to Brazil eventually. Its time to remember passions and its time to travel again, its time to make a new list. And I'm happy about it.

I've spent more than I could ever immagine in Romania, more than 3 months...and my innitital expectations were for 1 month and a half... this is clearly overdelivery, it saturated me completely and I realized that I didn't learn all the patience I could in Egypt, there still is a lot to be learned and this long holiday just got me starting. I didnt stay put. And when I did, I was so agitated that you cannot even count this time, it was more stress than relaxation... kinda destructive if I look back and annalize it now. I have my limits of being constructive. I have my limits of providing selfmotivation. I have my limits of being destructive. And I think I just reached them these days... Im tired of lazing around, I'm tired of "relaxing", I'm tired of this stupid flu it's been knocking me dead these past days, I'm tired of Resita - my home town - I'm tired of the grey autumn sky, undecided whether to drop a bit of rain or let the sun shine, I'm tired of not having all my friends around, I'm tired of not hearing enough noise, I'm tired of expecting... it's like the song I like from this romanian band...

"si te prinde bine rolul, sa stai toata ziua-n pat, si s-astepti cuminte clipa-n care tot se va schimba...si tot astepti sa ti se-ntample ceva...si tot astept sa se-ntample ceva..."

transaltion now, ha?

"and it suits you well this act, to sit all day long in bed, and wait patiently for the moment in which everything will change; and you keep waiting for something to happen, and you still wait for something to happen"... things to drop from the sky... the apple to fall on your head...what?

I like this band... they have their way with words... with sounds, with lirics and music, great power of expression, simple and direct, freshly from the depts of the young controversed person. I would have said teenager, but the message doesn't limit to them. It fits many. Too many... including me. So, I was saying they are right, I'm tired to sit and wait for something to happen to me, I'm actually tired of this role I have because I feel with my hands tight...I cannot really do very much to change the situation, I can just change the waiting area and the distractions which keep me from screaming or gettign histerrical coz I've been waiting too long and I'm out of patience.

AND again it's happening, I started to write ( I admit, to change distraction) planning to be factual this time, to provide random readers with a narrative of my 3 mopnths in Romania, things I did, people I met, places I've seen and so on... but noooo... I'm still not capable of doing, it all comes back to my state of mind. Ha! this is me, not more not less, after all one has to release the tension one way or another and writing always kept me good company. Too bad I copuld never write what I wanted..it's like Im starting to write and the word become masters and they are in control... the thoughts, not the words... Im becomming difficult to follow...

Khalas I'm done with selfharrasing! I'll GET DOWN TO the list (In my passion notebook)